I am essentially nonviolent. I don't even like Bruce Willis movies, honestly. I design sweaters, I bake bread, I read the poetry of Sharon Olds and Billy Collin aloud to my friends.
I homeschool my boys.
We have nearly completed our first history "unit study" of the year, which was chosen by both monkeys as the story of the Vikings. We have read several books, translated sentences of runes, made a movie, intereviewed a man who can trace his ancestors to Vikings, handled thousand-year-old coins, worn Viking helmets and felt the heft of chainmail, and memorized years, names, customs, religious beliefs, and accomplishments.
Tonight, I have just finished designing, cutting, and sanding two Viking longswords with my friend Kevin, who happens to have a wonderful wood shop in his garage and had girls, not boys (but is now the grandfather of three boys).
I made sure we took the router and cut the very authentic grooves down the middle of the swords. These grooves were for blood.
And I know that my two monkeys will love these swords. I will give them leather strips to decorate the handles, and perhaps they will paint the blades, or paint Thor's hammer onto the handles. Also, I know that they know what the grooves were for. And I have a certain abiding, yet unsubstantiated faith, that my boys are and will remain nonviolent.
I just hope that someday they will realize that their mother stayed up late making swords for them, for their entertainment and memory of history, and because she loves them. And maybe when I'm in my dotage they will read Sharon Olds and Billy Collins to me.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Annual Review
Well, I made it. It's been exactly one year since I retired from HP. So I have an urge to capture, to enumerate, what has transpired in my life since then. That's how my brain works (and I come by it naturally - you should see letters I receive from my mother and sister! Lists, lists, enumeration, accomplishment, work).
But it's so hard to put into words. I have opened new doors, and they will continue to be presented to me; we make choices every day.
Do I miss HP? Well, sort of. I miss the people I knew through work, of course. Sometimes I miss program management. It is a skill, and perhaps a talent. But if I were to answer in a word, the word would be, "No".
Would I go back to work in the high-tech world? That is a door that hasn't been presented to me yet.
I spent this past year educating my sons: kindergarten and first grade. They are learning how to read and write and do math in their heads. We are learning about planets and rocks and cultures (we're in Spain as I write this). We play with words and numbers and believe that art is whatever you decide it is.
Life is like that as well. I suppose that is what I've learned.
I have had a few minor feelings of panic. I have new definitions of who I am and to whom I am attached and what I do with a day. Some people are thrilled to hear what I'm doing; I've also been attacked verbally by more than one.
I had a life with money that flowed like a river; now it is a trickle, deftly managed. The water is precious and it sustains life; generally we ignore it and go on about our process of learning.
Thinking on what I need most, I have worked on making new friends, talking to God, giving to my community, and being with my children when they need me most. I no longer have an adult partner, and that is different for me, harder for the children, and makes me appreciate and love my friends even more.
We have a new church, where everyone knows our name and asks how we've been when we were not present. I feel known and loved in that church; it feels as if I have always belonged there but had not reached that door. In July I will go on a mission to Guatemala with people from our new church. I am thrilled that this door will open and take thirteen of us through it.
Still I knit, and design, and teach others this wonderful craft. Next year my designs will probably appear in more publications. The trick is always balance of those things I love to do and the time I've been given.
I continue to breathe deeply of the air from the redwoods, to bake bread, to read out loud, to sing in the car, and to write poetry. I hug and tickle my boys and assure them that it will not break my heart when they no longer want to hold my hand and sit in my lap. We are all growing up in our own ways.
There is a new possibility for my future, a different career than I ever would have thought myself brave enough to attempt. The URL is here: http://www.suchavoice.com/Pages/Talent_FactPage.cfm?TalentID=2822
And you just never know, I could have a completely different story to tell a year from now.
Thank you for checking up on me! You know how to reach me.
But it's so hard to put into words. I have opened new doors, and they will continue to be presented to me; we make choices every day.
Do I miss HP? Well, sort of. I miss the people I knew through work, of course. Sometimes I miss program management. It is a skill, and perhaps a talent. But if I were to answer in a word, the word would be, "No".
Would I go back to work in the high-tech world? That is a door that hasn't been presented to me yet.
I spent this past year educating my sons: kindergarten and first grade. They are learning how to read and write and do math in their heads. We are learning about planets and rocks and cultures (we're in Spain as I write this). We play with words and numbers and believe that art is whatever you decide it is.
Life is like that as well. I suppose that is what I've learned.
I have had a few minor feelings of panic. I have new definitions of who I am and to whom I am attached and what I do with a day. Some people are thrilled to hear what I'm doing; I've also been attacked verbally by more than one.
I had a life with money that flowed like a river; now it is a trickle, deftly managed. The water is precious and it sustains life; generally we ignore it and go on about our process of learning.
Thinking on what I need most, I have worked on making new friends, talking to God, giving to my community, and being with my children when they need me most. I no longer have an adult partner, and that is different for me, harder for the children, and makes me appreciate and love my friends even more.
We have a new church, where everyone knows our name and asks how we've been when we were not present. I feel known and loved in that church; it feels as if I have always belonged there but had not reached that door. In July I will go on a mission to Guatemala with people from our new church. I am thrilled that this door will open and take thirteen of us through it.
Still I knit, and design, and teach others this wonderful craft. Next year my designs will probably appear in more publications. The trick is always balance of those things I love to do and the time I've been given.
I continue to breathe deeply of the air from the redwoods, to bake bread, to read out loud, to sing in the car, and to write poetry. I hug and tickle my boys and assure them that it will not break my heart when they no longer want to hold my hand and sit in my lap. We are all growing up in our own ways.
There is a new possibility for my future, a different career than I ever would have thought myself brave enough to attempt. The URL is here: http://www.suchavoice.com/Pages/Talent_FactPage.cfm?TalentID=2822
And you just never know, I could have a completely different story to tell a year from now.
Thank you for checking up on me! You know how to reach me.
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